That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize