happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
