just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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