I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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