Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
