watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
