i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
