I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
