i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I want a musical about memes.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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