Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
