I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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