I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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