She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize