I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Holy shit dude........stairs
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