Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
