He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
