I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize
