My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
