Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
