batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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