: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
