i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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