Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
