i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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