We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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