I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My feet surprised me
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