Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
