who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
