i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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