When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I am naked and annoyed.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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