The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
