Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
