Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
