He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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