I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
