i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
