You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
