I was born with a shot glass in my hand
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
