therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
