we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
