i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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