it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
