I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
