we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
