so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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