I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
