i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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