Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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