thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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