no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
