My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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