are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
