He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My penis needs a shock collar
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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