as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize