we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
