I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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