we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize