At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
