Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize