I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
