Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
