What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I still have a little drunk in my system
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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