It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
