This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
