So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
