I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
high people should be assigned attendants
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
