Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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