Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
