I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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