Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
