Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
