She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
